In her own words …

By John Bach

Julie and Frankie at a Northside park after a morning outing to get coffee as a family.

If you want the full effect of this Q&A, you should imagine the rhythmic sound of an IV pump pushing fluids throughout the conversation. That’s what it sounded like to me as Julie answered my questions from inside the chemo suite. We stopped in at the Barrett Cancer Center today for a bit of a tuneup after a rough day of nausea and getting sick. Figured it was a good time to see where Julie’s head is at.

1. What has been the biggest surprise since your cancer diagnosis?

The realization of how hard it is. I don’t have the emotional or mental capacity to not think about it. It dominates my thoughts. 

2. What advice would you give someone who has just received a breast cancer diagnosis?

Don’t Google. 

3. What’s something people shouldn’t say to someone who has cancer?

What caused this?

4. What has been better than you expected?

Actually, the treatment. I thought I’d be throwing up all the time.

5. What has been worse?

The hair loss still bothers me. I guess I’m more vain than I thought. Also, the pure exhaustion.

6. Your eating has changed quite a bit since this all started. How has that been?

It has been a non-issue. When it comes down to it, it is just what you do. 

7. What keeps you up at night now?

TV. Worry. Actually nothing keeps me up anymore unless I’m not feeling good.

8. What gets you through the day?

Frankie (our goldendoodle puppy) has been a big help. I really enjoy her. Meditation has been a big help. I don’t do it as much as I should. Not having pressure helps also. Being able to sleep when I need to sleep and not having to worry about going to work.

9. What about balancing having cancer during COVID?

It makes it so much harder. I’m already vulnerable due to the treatments, but COVID makes it scarier. I hate it mostly for the kids. These are supposed to be exciting times for all three of them. Greta is trying to plan her wedding. Georgia is on campus but can’t go and do anything really. It’s Josie’s senior year, and she has to do everything masked and distanced from everybody. 

10. You are a social creature. What about that part of it?

On the days that are good days, I want to be with you guys. It is not that I don’t want to see my friends, it is just that on the days that are good, I want to participate with our family.

11. If there’s one thing you would hope our daughters take away from all of this, what would it be?

That they are worth fighting for. I’m very grateful that our kids are not little while going through this.

12. Is it hard to see beyond where you are right now?

Yes. Just because it is so emotionally daunting. You know? Ever since I found out, I’ve had a hard time seeing past this. Before I used to see our kids growing up and getting married and us traveling. It is just scary. I think a lot about Greta’s wedding. 

13. Like as a motivation? 

Yes.

14. Is it hard to see off in the distance when you are just starting to climb this mountain?

Yeah, but I also think about the Pink song (“Cover Me in Sunshine”) that says “from a distance, all these mountains are just some tiny hills.”